We pay (feed) her to block the draft from the door. Her next performance evaluation will note this shirking of duties. The whiny demands to go outside at 4 am are also becoming increasingly unacceptable. Unless her attitude improves, she is unlikely to get a raise in the number of treats received daily.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Slacker
We pay (feed) her to block the draft from the door. Her next performance evaluation will note this shirking of duties. The whiny demands to go outside at 4 am are also becoming increasingly unacceptable. Unless her attitude improves, she is unlikely to get a raise in the number of treats received daily.
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Shameful. We are having similar problems with our hired help. For example, they don't seem to understand that foot-warming duty is necessary only during cold weather. When we have one of those 80-degree warm spells in the middle of winter, foot-warming is not only unnecessary, but counter-productive. And don't even get me started on their tendency to swipe unguarded food . . .
ReplyDeleteWhat a mooch. Mine have been hard at work at their feet warming duties, but have been shirking on the cleaning of the floor...
ReplyDeleteAnd would someone please explain to my cat that leaving all that fur around the house isn't really in the contract? I know, I know, she catches lots of voles in the spring and summer, but right now, she is sleeping on the job!
ReplyDeleteOur 2 don't even make their beds in the morning!. But I have given them one job, to lie around on the family room floor and look attentively and listen to me and my rants while I am cooking,they do that pretty well!
ReplyDeleteI solved the 4am 'whining to go out' by putting my slacker in bed with me.
ReplyDelete1st night...she slept until 9am!
(I find that the furry cats are much better at controlling drafts...especially by sunny windows)
Fire her ass.
ReplyDeletePerilousknits, don't give her any ideas about stealing food. So far, she hasn't ventured into that territory.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, she won't warm my feet either. She prefers to stretch out on her blankie - which is actually the sheet we drape over the recliner at night so I don't have to clean fur off it.
James, Angel will come deal with your cat. She liiiiikes kitties....or wants to eat them. We're not sure which.
Maggie, they sound like loafers to me. Mine doesn't even bother to pretend to listen.
Jenn, I have one word for you: ticks.
Crunchy, you're heartless! Plus we don't dare fire her; she'd retaliate by farting more. And her farts are stinky!
Chile, I'm surprised you haven't hooked the pup up to an electric generating treadmill. You could dangle a doggie biscuit on a string in front of her and shout moral encouragement during peak loads: "Faster, Girl! Momma needs 1200 watts to blend a smoothie!"
ReplyDeleteI am thinking the next 101 Dalmatians movie will have Cruella Deville starting a puppy powered electric plant -- this would be Disney's way of educating kids about green power. The hero would be a dog named Duke (named after Duke Energy) who camouflages himself in coal dust so he can sneak into the plant and rescue the puppies. The coal dust washes off him in the end because it is from "clean coal", and all the dogs live happily ever after in their McMansion, which is powered by safe, affordable nuclear power (that doesn't exploit innocent animals). I can already see the crappy plastic McDonalds toys that will be used to market the film.
DC, I almost spit my hot cocoa all over the computer. Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteMine are pretty good at cuddling as long as the appropriate amount of food is in their dish. If not, Oliver takes it upon himself to open the cupboards and let them slam shut at 3 AM while Jack lays on my face.
ReplyDeleteMeghan, if Angel laid on my face, I'd be dead.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming you have kitties...to which I once again offer my dog's kitty-wrangling services. ;-)
Chile ~
ReplyDeleteToo cute. We've found that since we added Snoopy to the team we've needed to use the mop and vacuum quite a bit less. She'll even lick up spilled dry oats and sesame seed oil. And she has taken it upon herself to empty out our trash can of all organic matter. She must feel for us and our lack of compost pile.
Unfortunately, all of our furbeasts have a penchant for the warmest spots in the house, which not only make them useless as draft blockers but also completely in the way of almost every daily activity. Perhaps we should raise the temperatures to above 50 degrees...
Sadly, Ruthie, Angel is a lousy vacuum cleaner. Because she's a rescue, we don't know her history but evidently she was trained not to scavenge. It's too bad, but I suppose it's good for me to get more stretches in picking up all the food I drop (and I'm messy in the kitchen.)
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy she doesn't get in the trash, though. Ick! Has Snoopy ever gotten sick from that?
Hey, I tagged you for the archive meme. Check my blog for details.
ReplyDelete