Queen of Bizarre Injuries

Last night, I sustained another bizarre injury, albeit a very minor one, in a long line of unique injuries. Consider these facts. I used to climb trees as a young chile pepper and especially loved to hang upside down with my legs hooked over the highest branches (above roof level) of our mulberry tree, yet the only broken bone I suffered as a youngster was a cracked wrist resulting from falling on my butt the first time I put on roller skates. I have chopped plenty of wood with an axe, pruned trees by hand with pruning saws, and have been chopping vegetables in the kitchen with sharp knives for years but have never cut myself badly enough to require stitches or even a trip to the emergency room.

I save my injuries for more unique circumstances so I’ll have interesting tales to share. For instance, giving myself whiplash by sneezing. Messing up my wrist and lower back by pushing a grand piano, on wheels, across a stage….with the wheels locked. Cracking my elbow by absent-mindedly stepping off a two-foot high wall instead of going down the steps. Giving myself plantar fasciitis by shoveling in hard rocky soil for several weeks on our rural homestead hoping to set up a garden bed.

I don’t only go for the bigger injuries in a unique manner, though; I give equal time to smaller ones. The first time I was ever stung by a bee was when I was biking alone. My mouth was slightly open and the bee bounced off my teeth and stung me on the inside of my upper lip. Thank heavens someone took pity on me and scraped out the stinger for me.

Last night’s injury was very unexpected. For two weeks, I taped a metatarsal pad on my foot while waiting for new orthotics to deal with a Morton’s neuroma. The doctor sent me home the first day with it taped on with paper tape. I only had cloth tape, which worked fine but was more difficult to remove from the pad without damaging it. Yesterday, I had to send my new orthotics back for adjustment so I picked up some paper medical tape on my way home. “Gentle paper” tape, the package said, with “gentle adhesive” for “sensitive skin.”

As I began to pull off the tape last night, my husband was alarmed when I suddenly gasped in pain. This gentle tape actually ripped up a chunk of my skin, enough to cause bleeding! Holy cow! I carefully peeled it up from the other end to keep it from ripping the skin off entirely. I still have to tape on the pad for three more weeks and am not looking forward to it.

The last bizarre injury I’d like to share with you is one you will not believe. Nobody believes this is possible. I certainly wouldn’t have believed it if it hadn’t happened to me.

I was walking barefoot through the house one day when I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my big toe. Ouch! I hobbled over to the nearest chair, sat, and lifted my foot to extract whatever was stabbing me. Pin? Needle? Uh, no. What I saw was unbelievable, especially considering how calloused the bottom of my feet are.

It was an eyelash. Yes, an eyelash. It was sticking straight out of my toe and it hurt. To this day, I don’t know how it could have turned up at the angle needed to do this. And I’ll bet you don’t believe me anyway.