Caffeine Dependence

Ruthie is kicking her Diet Dr. Pepper habit, again. Please don't assume that my emphasis on the "again" is a criticism; it's not. I can relate to her addiction and the difficulty in breaking it. Kicking the habit is tough because the dependence happens on multiple levels. In her case, and in mine with coffee, there is definitely a physical addiction to the caffeine. There are many methods for getting off caffeine but none are easy (no matter what I wrote about that in 2008).

With my coffee habit, and likely Ruthie's soda habit, psychological and emotional dependency make eliminating the addiction more difficult. Cutting it out of the daily routine leaves one feeling oddly empty and perhaps even a little lonely. That drink has been our friend, a friend now cruelly tossed out the door. In the past, it was welcomed with open arms and open lips. Purchasing, preparing, and consuming the beverage was an important part of the day, often with ritualistic significance and that's not something that's easy to just cut off cold turkey.

In fact, ten years ago I wrote about that ritualistic aspect of having my daily coffee. At the time, I did not own a coffee maker; it was my latest attempt to control the amount of coffee I drank. If I had to go out to get each cup of coffee, the inconvenience would limit my consumption to one cup per day. As you will see, though, by "cup" I do not mean eight measly ounces. Here is my ode to convenience store coffee from the year 2000.

The Ritual

Getting a cup of coffee has become a ritual, the process automatic. I don’t have to think about the steps anymore, but still find paying attention to each detail oddly soothing. My one daily trip to Circle K is relaxing, whether I go first thing in the morning or early in the evening. The ritual begins when I arrive in their parking lot.

Once the car is locked, with that ever-annoying “honk”, I slowly head to the door. While wrapping my fanny pack around my waist, hoping it conceals rather than emphasizes the ample belly, my eyes search for change on the ground. No matter what time of day or what store I go to, I always find at least one penny when I go to Circle K. As I walk into the store, I quickly glance among the feet in front of the counter, looking to see if the penny is there perhaps.

I once thrived on the hazelnut-flavored coffee, smooth with its low acidity. With the proper amount of sweetener and French Vanilla creamer, it tasted better to me than an expensive latte, even from the well-known chain popping up on every corner. Alas, my stomach will not tolerate this indulgence anymore and it writhes in pain even at the thought of drinking caffeinated coffee. I have adjusted my ritual to compensate for this development and now settle for the decaffeinated brew. It is sadly harsh in comparison to the velvety hazelnut, but it can be coaxed into a drinkable concoction.

Once in view, I scan the pots to be sure there is a suitable amount of seemingly fresh decaf. If not, I request a new pot be made, knowing this will delay me for a full 5 minutes while the new pot brews. Selecting the largest cup, a hefty 24 ounces, I meander to the coffee condiments carousel.

My poison of choice is Sweet ‘n Low and I accept no substitutes. It must be the pink packet or there is no point in continuing this ritual. My fingers deftly pick out four packets and hold them together tightly, rapidly flicking the bundle twice to shake all the powder to the bottom. A quick tear across the top opens them releasing a small white puff of fine powder. Holding them now with both hands, I shake this white miracle chemical into my dry cup. Flexing and twisting the packet bundle assures that every bit of sweetener trickles out. Snatching a long red plastic stirrer as I head over to the coffee pots, I am ready for the noxious brew. As the coffee hits the cup, the Sweet ‘n Low swirls around briefly before dissolving and disappearing.

The ritual took longer when I had to open a small stack of individual thimble-sized containers of creamer to lighten the color. Now, the stores have switched to bulk cream, dispensed in 4 flavors from “the cow”. To compensate for the loss of hazelnut flavor in choosing the decaf coffee, I use Hazelnut creamer as well as French Vanilla. I hold the cup under the nozzle of each flavor and push the button, holding it for a count of approximately 6. This varies as the rate of flow depends on the fullness of the creamer bag and whether the nozzle was cut at a thin or wide spot. After achieving the desired light color, I stir and taste. Usually it’s perfect, but once in a while, a quick additional shot of creamer is needed.

The ritual has almost come to an end. With the addition of a lid, white now for the larger size cup, I can pay and be on my way. Still looking for change on the ground or hidden among the small candies in front of the counter, I hand over my $1.28. What a small price to pay for a treat and relaxing break in my day.

I no longer buy convenience store coffee and load it up with chemical enhancers. I now prepare organic coffee at home in my French Press, using organic sugar, organic soymilk, and my Aerolatte to transform it into a sweet, smooth, and foamy concoction. I swear to you I'm not addicted, though. I can quit coffee anytime I want. Of course, I'll start drinking it again the moment you turn your back, but I can quit. Really, I can.*

*I will quit when TSHTF or after TEOTWAWKI, whichever comes first.