I am drowning in the feeling of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with bad news about the economy, the oil spill, dwindling energy resources, and climate change. Overwhelmed with the amount of unpacking and arranging left to do in my new home. Overwhelmed with the number of small repairs needed. Overwhelmed with what we need to do to make our home energy-efficient and low water use. Overwhelmed with what we need to get our property ready for gardening - preparing beds, clearing weeds and brush, pest control, and getting plants. Overwhelmed by the decrease in physical fitness from the last six months of stress-induced inactivity. Overwhelmed by the increase in physical problems resulting from inactivity, high stress, or poor food choices over the past few months. Overwhelmed emotionally by all of the recent change (scored over 300 on this life event stress scale).
I ended up crying yesterday at a doctor's appointment while trying to explain why I had not kept up with my stretches for the TMJ due to the craziness in our lives recently and then getting overwhelmed with sadness over my nephew's death. My physical, mental, and emotional reserves are damn near empty yet life must go on. It's really hard to move forward when each decision involves so many elements to weigh and consider and everything we try to do keeps running into obstacles.
I focused for so long on just trying to find a place where I could settle in and make a home to get through the tough times I see coming that I neglected to take into account all the work necessary once I found it. I'm not naive; we had a long list of projects and plans for when the right property showed up. Somehow I just didn't think it would be this hard, though. This scares me because I really don't think life is going to get any easier. As change comes (from economic pressures, peak oil, & climate change), everything is just going to get harder and harder. And I'm not ready for that.
I think I need a month or two in a dark quiet cave somewhere, maybe with a nice hot spring...and a masseuse...and a personal chef to prepare nice organic local meals...and some musicians playing calming healing music. Yeah, that might do it.
Dream on, Chile.
I know, I know. Take a deep breath and just do one thing at a time...
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13 comments:
Oh Chile, being overwhelmed with life is a terrible feeling. I hope it subsides soon and lady luck shines upon you. You deserve it.
Thanks for making me feel better...yup, that did it...I was starting to think I'm the only one in the world who has to live her life in ten- and fifteen- year plans because there's SO MUCH to get done no matter which way I turn...and there's no staff to do it for me...hope just getting it out there has taken some of the oppressiveness off your shoulders...it will all get done, just not when you initially thought it would...and, that's okay...{{{hugs}}}
We'd feed ya some of our bad cooking and play you our out-of-tune autoharp if it would help! <3
Katie - you know, I thought about you while writing this post and felt bad about all my whining. You've gone through so much more stress than I and are handling it far more gracefully. Then again, gracefulness was never my strong suit. LOL
Can't decide whether I'd be better off pushing through this to get some of the stuff done and off my list or back off and slow down (even more).
Well, actually, I do know which would be better for me but then I'm left wondering when anything will get done.
Sharlene - no, no, no, I don't want it to take fifteen years to finish all this stuff! It'll be too late then. Glad I made you feel better.
Risa - do you deliver? :)
I know I've said this a lot lately, but I can really commiserate. I've had a lot of change in the last year, and even though a lot of it's good change, it's still hard to deal with.
I ended up crying at the doctor's office last month, too, and I couldn't even say why I was crying. (I think the woman who was working with me thinks my husband is beating me or something...)
I just scored way over 300 on that test you linked to, which at least makes me feel a bit justified that I've been having such a hard time dealing lately.
I'm trying to think of something comforting to say, and the best I can come up with is that we humans are pretty good at adapting to things. Change is hard, but eventually we get used to the new normal.
Ohhhh, poor you!
It IS tough, all the moving and stress and stuff. *hugs*
But you'll get through it.
Just take your time, create a list of the things you need to do and order them, and then create a schedule that fits the amount of time you have each week.
Gradually you'll get there. There's no time limit except life :-)
In the meanwhile, every challenge is an opportunity to grow and strengthen.
*hugs* again. You'll get through it. I know you will. Just be Super Warrior Chile!
step back, take a breath, write some junky poetry/music/whatever is your out and then try looking from a different angle.
After all you have got a brand new house where you want to be along with whole screeds of other good stuff.
I'm rooting for you :)
BTW what about a straw bale cool room outhouse ? With extra trees for shade :)
viv in nz
Yeah,
I know where you are coming from on both this post and the last one. I personally have to cap the amount of time I think about "the list" or it just overwhelms me if I consider the time I realistically think I have to achieve it. Similarly we only have very limited disposable income, ie not a bill or the mortgage, and don't have a working fridge as old one started shorting the wiring in the house 4 weeks ago.
I keep a master list and a working list.. the master list has everything that we want to do to maintain the best quality of life we can achieve considering our outlook on the future. The working list is what we think are the 5 most urgent things that we feel we need to achieve.
I can't do more than our time, money and health allows. We aren't slacking so it can't be done any faster than we are doing it with the current amount of hands. Thus I do my best to give myself a break.
Kind Regards
Belinda
Deep breathe. The hardest thing in life is to take care of yourself - even though all of these changes were in the name of taking care of yourself! :)
I know it's challenging, because simple things like checking my blood sugar regularly fall to the bottom when I'm overextended, even though that's key to my well being!
Your health is an important thing. Take 5 minutes a day to focus on that, even if that's all you can do.
That being said, I probably ought to dust off my meter...
mollyjade - oh, it sounds like you really need to stop and take care of yourself, too! I was embarrassed at the doctor's because I knew it was awkward for them to have a patient just start crying. Had it been a psychotherapist's office, it wouldn't have been so bad. LOL
We will adjust.
daharja - even good change is stressful, as you know with your move. I think the guilt over feeling stressed now that we are in our new place has been bothering me. I should feel happy and relieved, yet I feel overwhelmed and worried that we have so much to do and don't really know how much time there might be before things really start collapsing.
Ok, deep breath. We'll get done what we get done.
Viv - LOL, maybe we'll do that. I'd like an outdoor bathroom but there is zero privacy here. There will be in time as we plant trees strategically but for now, we live a little lower than surrounding houses and roads so it's like we're in a fishbowl.
Strawbale would also keep the outhouse cool, making it into a nice reading room. ;-)
Belinda - yikes on your fridge wiring issues. If forced to by circumstances, we could find a way to go fridgeless but it sure wouldn't be easy. And right now, I'm trying to avoid those things that would really affect quality of life...at least until my TMJ gets better. Hope you can find a solution soon!
We do have a master list but the immediate need-to-do list changes regularly. I hate crisis management but that's how it's been lately.
Robbie - I have a 3 week deadline to get the TMJ back to where I was six months ago. If I don't, I'm back at the doctor's to discuss options. That means I have to take 7-8 minutes every three hours to STOP and do my stretches. I have to take the time to STOP and sit, putting a warm washcloth along my jaw line and ice cube on the TMJ joint. I'm even taking a few of the muscle relaxants he prescribed because even the best of us (which I certainly am not) need a little chemical help once in a while.
Go dust off your meter and take care of yourself. The alternatives suck.
well, keep doing the TMJ exercises, being overwhelmed never helps whatever physical issues are bothering you. I guess it just depends on how much it bothers you.
I've started going back to my yoga studio classes 1-2 times a week the past month. I can make the budget fit a few studio classes a month. I'm amazed at the difference in how I feel better. Everyone in the class kept commenting on how we need more yoga these days!
As for sinking, well, I feel it too. and the heat coming in never helps whatever less than capable feelings I have about life!
I'm all for the cave and massages, but make sure it's a COOL cave!
peace to you,
shamba
On reading through all the comments here today, we, including me, too, could use lots of TLC and being told we're doing a good job inspite of everything we think we are doing ...
So, PEACE to you all,
shamba
Okay, I have to start with ... "Yeah, but ...."
Life will get harder for us without oil to do a lot of our work, but we'll get used to it and then, it won't be so hard. Right?
Right now, things seem hard for you, because a lot of it is new, but once you settle in, it will come easier. It's like the first time you ride that bike five miles. It might as well be a hundred, but after doing it a few times, it gets easier.
Starting now to make all of these changes, when you have the choice of taking a day off and letting the machines do for you, will make the transition that much easier, when you no longer have the choice. Pat yourself on the back. You're doing good!
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