I read a fellow blogger's post today on how to be happy and one of her suggestions was basically to "quit yer whining" and look at the good things in your life. It's really hard to do this when you're so beaten down that you barely have the energy - mental, physical and emotional - to make it through the day, but I'll give it a shot.
It was lovely to see a Vermilion Flycatcher in the yard today. I look forward to seeing these beautiful birds every summer over the years here. Oh, wait. We're not staying here. Scratch that.
There are tons of butterflies flitting around the weeds. Good thing we don't have time to weed-eat and cut everything down with all the other work to be done.
The rainy season has finally ended so the weeds will finally quit growing like ... well, weeds. However, no water rushing down the wash periodically means I'll have to climb down there and pick up all the trash people throw in there and yell at idiots that can't read the "No Trespassing" sign.
Angel has so much vim and vigor she doesn't care that we've taken the six front steps off the porch. She just sails right off the edge despite the four foot drop. This is all well and good unless she tears her little doggie ACL or whatever it's called in poopers. Been there, done that with a dog and the recovery is tough on them.
Polie has the sense to use the remaining side steps. However, all he wants to do in the yard is try to catch the bees that like the same weeds as the butterflies. And eating bees makes him throw up.
My mother-in-law is recovering from her emergency hip replacement and doing well with her physical and occupational therapy. Unfortunately, she has no money and Medicare doesn't cover home health equipment so we had to buy everything she needs for her house. Luckily, she's ready to give us back my sweetie's Mata Ortiz pot, which we hope to sell to cover some of the costs.
I have lots of readers/friends online that are being wonderfully supportive through my turbulent time. But I can't seem to convince ya'll to move to the dry, hot desert to be my neighbors. 'Course with me planning to move again, I can see why you might not want to come here, but still...
See? I'm trying to look for the good but the bad is right there rearing up its ugly head. Someone needs to top off my glass so it's not half empty...
18 comments:
Sounds like you're just a realist and you definitely have a lot of things--major life things-- happening at once so you're allowed to feel bad about it. You have to grieve for things you lost, not lives alone but other things as well.
Sounds like you also like to read as much doom as I do. :) I'll have to check out the blog you mentioned.
That home medical equipment thing can also run into money. I know I had to get things for my Dad and later my Mom where she lived.
that's good to hear about your MIL.
The animals are always a great way to cheer us up I find and make us smile or laugh.
I have to figure out what to do with some more green chiles I got this week from the CSA. I could freeze some more I only have two bags in there at the moment.
peace, Shamba
Shamba - yeah, as crazy as they are, the dogs still make me laugh...sometimes while also cringing.
I still have lots of green chiles in the freezer from last year when I bought extra. Green chile quesadillas, with or without "cheese", are good.
I skipped the CSA this week as we've been so busy with stuff here and getting MIL ready to head home. It took going five, no, six places to gather up everything she needed, not including buying her a whole bunch of frozen food to make meals easier for a while.
Chile, there's nothing to say... Despair, Inc., is fantastic and I've already decided on two posters I should get for friends... just keep plugging through and vent when you need to, that's what we're here for... love the cheesecloth! BTW... would move to the desert but everyone here is used to me and I'm not sure the deser is ready for me!... come visit when you can...
I love the title of this post bc you're absolutely right. And there are times you can't polish a turd, you know?
Those posters are pretty awesome.
I find smiling like an idiot all the time really helps me. After a while, I start wondering why I'm smiling, as if I forgot why and figure what the hell, guess that means I was happy! lol
I hope things to improve for you Chile. Hugs!
Hi Chile - I'm guessing it might be my post you're talking about there.
Uh oh.
If it is, I guess I should start by saying that a lot of editing went into the post where I originally talked about all the stuff I'd been through (son with autism and my own injury-induced brain damage for starters). I edited that out - it sounded too much like a "poor me" story. Which is not how I feel.
I feel for you so much. It sounds like things are really, really sucky. They get that way from time to time. But you're a very smart woman, and you know that even though things are sucking right now, you'll work your way through them and find solutions to problems.
Sometimes problems even create solutions that make things better than they were before, although when you're in the middle of the problem of course you can't see that yet. It's only on reflection you learn that the difficulties created opportunity for growth.
Of course, other problems are just plain horrible. They can't be solved, and you'll deal with the associated grief and trauma, just like everyone does when crap trashes their lives.
You'll get through it all. And things will improve, but maybe sometime in the future they'll be sucky again.
However, next time, because you know you've dealt with this, you'll be that bit tougher and more resilient - and better-able to weather the next round of hardship.
BTW - *hugs* I've been through shit too. And it's bloody awful. *hugs again* But it *will* get better. Then you can buy one of those ridiculous posters and hang it on your wall, and laugh.
Better yet, tell me and I'll buy one for you!
I know we're not supposed to give advice, but...
In case you have not done so, contact your county's senior citizen office. There may be some resources you may not know about. If MIL is really broke, with next to no financial assests (not counting social security income), she may be eligible for Medicaid, which pays for just about everything that Medicare does not. If her husband was a veteran, she may also be eligible for an additional amount of money per month.
I have been learning about all of this as we've navigated the system for my MIL and now my FIL. Your sweetie's job may have a benefit that could help. My company has a service called enhanced eldercare.
None of this may apply to you, but maybe it will to someone reading. In any case, good luck, and hang in there (but not with any rope like devices, please).
Well I have to say its been a bad old year round here too. I just try to go with the flow. Otherwise I might just curl up in a corner and not come out.
Still -once you've hit rock bottom at least the only way is up :)
viv in nz
I've erased about six paragraphs I've typed, trying to get the words right. So I'll just say that we're out here for you. And we understand. Wish I could be more eloquent.
How about an extra hug for the dogs today?!
Sharlene - if I ran an office, I'd have the Despair Inc posters up all over, just to get people to laugh.
Glad you like the cheesecloth!
Katie - if people saw me smiling like an idiot, they'd probably have me committed...
I don't try to polish turds; I just compost them. ;-)
Things will improve. And if they don't, I'll let them go. (Tossed out half a dozen address cards I'd held onto for years yesterday!)
Leanne - you're right. I didn't link to it because I didn't want you to think I was being critical. Thanks for sharing your story. Like hearing Katie's, it helps to know other people have been covered with crap and lived to tell the tale.
nomikins - actually, the folks at the rehab unit in the hospital up here got some extra services hooked up for her. She'll have someone coming in for light housekeeping once or twice a week, and I don't remember what else. I'll see if she can check into getting us reimbursed for the equipment from Medicaid and look into hubby's work bennies.
It's a good thing he took a couple of weeks off to work on removing our deck, so that he was available to help her as much as he has! (And yes, he had some of the time off switched to sick rather than vacation time. Ain't been no vacation 'round here, that's for sure.)
Viv - oh boy, do I know that want to curl up in the corner feeling. Find me a dark little cave and you won't see me again for a long time...
The problem is not knowing where the bottom is. We keep thinking we've hit it but then it drops out from under us again. Want to toss me a big flashlight, please?!
4 Bushel Farmgal - I've read some of my past posts and I used to write better. I'd take the time to go research and find interesting links and photos. Now I just sit and type, then post.
In other words, there is a time for eloquence and a time when it's just not necessary. I appreciate your sentiment any way you share it!
And I'm not giving those rotten dogs an extra hug; not after they woke me up at 4:30 am when I didn't get to bed until quite late. After getting back to sleep, I woke to dogs whining in my face thinking their brekkie was more important than my sleep. *sigh*
No one has mentioned this, I don't think. So I'll say it. Get rid of Polie. I feel having such an energetic dog around is no match for your energy and stress levels. Yes, he was neglected and abused and what not. But there are a million and one abused people, children and other pets. We can't all be taking care of them if we can't take care of ourselves first.
Another thing. Just drive without guilt. You live in AZ for god's sake! I know you want to do the right thing, but the guilt you heap on yourself is very unhealthy. Drive, enjoy the oil while it lasts. Work on reducing your footprint in other ways.
And there is a WORLD of difference between being a pessimist and a realist. Ask me. I used to be a ridiculous pessimist. I am still very cynical, but I also want to live in this very imperfect world. So things will always be shitty. For example...random political observation. I thought Cheney was a piece of work. I never envisioned Palin.
And you already know this. But people have been predicting gloom and doom since the beginning of time. It is a control issue. Do the best you can. But you have to live life right now. Grab a cup of tea and read a book (I recommend a book one on happiness research). You deserve some time off from distress.
Beany - oh, believe me, I've thought of that. But for the stress Polie brings with him, he relieves more so the net result is more positive than negative. Plus, if I got rid of Polie, I'd also be getting rid of my sweetie because he wouldn't want to be with someone who would just ditch the dog because he's inconvenient at times.
I do pretty much drive without guilt at this point in time. I enjoy biking but it's not practical right now with our schedule, location, my neck/shoulder problems, and the blasted heat (when will it ever end?). When I dust the bike off, it will be to reconnect with the joy of riding first and carbon issues second. :)
I may have a book on happiness research. Hm. But I really don't care for tea, so I'm gonna substitute hot cocoa or coffee, okay?
PS: Angel is the one more likely to wake us up in the middle of the night, not Polie... In her mind, the best time to go pottie is between 2 and 4 am. We've tried everything to change this from shifting around dinner time to staying up late to take her out. Nothing changes her need to go then. And I ain't getting rid of her either.
Despite their issues, the dogs give us unconditional love. It's very comforting to be sitting, wondering if things are going to get better, and have a dog come up and nudge your hand for attention. Not active begging, just a gentle nudge. Or to have Polie come sit at my feet and lean into my legs, putting his head on my lap and gently wagging his tail. You can't buy that kind of comforting. You just have to pay for it in occasionally cleaning up dog puke and getting up at 4 am every day. Plus, having to take them for walks keeps me from getting totally inactive!
To use accounting jargon, on the balance sheet, their assets are far greater than their debits.
Ok, I'll try.
One: yer still breathing.
Two: you still have your thumbs.
Whenever I'm down, I think of how hard life would be without my thumbs.
Cheers me right up.
Jules - thanks, that was great!
If you don't already read Nie Nie's blog, do. I guarantee you won't complain about your life.
Anonymous - I disagree. Everyone has their own traumas and tragedies, and experiences and responds to them in their own way. There is no way to compare one to another.
While Stephanie's situation is admittedly a challenging one, that doesn't mean that mine is any less challenging for me.
For instance, does someone who lost a loved one to a heart attack on 9/11 deserve less sympathy and understanding than someone who lost a loved one to the terrorist attack? No. Each will experience a profound loss in their life, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it.
"Turd polishing sisters of the desert, unite. We have nothing to lose but our thumbs!"
Home equipment, oy! My mom and dad have oxygen tanks, a hospital bed, and a scooter. It helps a lot that my dad's a veteran ...
Hang in. That light at the other end of the tunnel might not be a train, after all. It could be a scooter ...
"Despite their issues, the dogs give us unconditional love..." - your readers too, no? We're all hanging in with you, hoping for the best for you & yours...
Elli :-)
You got it, Elli - thanks!
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