Speaking of drivers, I truly wish some of these guys that drive slowly in my neighborhood with their speakers thumping would be forced to wear headphones and listen to all the Mahler symphonies in their entirety. Or maybe some opera. I like an assortment of music but I don't feel compelled to share it with everyone in a two mile radius!
Note to those who use craigslist: "Pick-up pending" means that someone has contacted the seller already and is scheduled to pick up the item. The seller is likely leaving the ad up because they have had too many experiences with craigslist buyers flaking out on them at the last minute. So, when you see that, e-mail to ask that they let you know if the sale falls through because you are interested rather than e-mailing to demand to see it right now.
And, speaking of craigslist etiquette... Sellers: remove your freakin' ads when your item has sold. And Buyers: do not e-mail just to ask, "Do you still have it?" If you're interested, e-mail to tell the seller you would like to buy it if it is still available. I can't tell you how many times I've told someone, "Yes, I still have it," and never hear from them again. A little common courtesy, folks, goes a long ways.
I've noticed an interesting trend with folks I see on a regular basis. When they ask if things are settling down, getting better, or something along that line, and hear that no, things have not improved yet, they back away quick. Oftentimes, they will then quit asking at all. The sense I get is not that they are upset so much for my sake as they are upset to hear that someone, anyone, is experiencing ongoing turmoil.
There seems to be a deep fundamental belief that things will get better in time. That is not always true but people don't want to hear that. Hearing it, in fact, can shake up their beliefs and faith that good will always triumph and fairness will prevail. The fact that this is not the case for someone they know personally seems to be hitting too close to home: if it's happening to her, it could happen to me.
That's just my take on it from the receiving end of avoidance behavior from people who used to visit with me regularly.
I'm having very mixed feelings about the changes around here. On one hand, I'm sad to see our things passing out of our hands into the hands of other people, especially considering how over-saturated the market is now (meaning we're getting pennies on the dollar). On the other hand, I'm looking forward to life with just the essentials, pared down to what we truly need, and hopefully leading to more time to do what we want rather than just what is required.
Unfortunately, the dogs don't feel any of the excitement. Dogs like routine and stability, and life here is anything but. Why can't they understand that throwing up because they are upset makes Mom really frustrated? I'm tempted to go buy a new carpet steam cleaner but then we'd have to get rid of it, too.
I've noticed the comments have dropped off considerably here. Ya'll just tired of my whining or do you think our planned change in lifestyle is insane?
18 comments:
I agree with your first comment about people pulling out slowly right in front of you and having to jam on your brakes to avoid a collision. Happens often in my rural area, too. Or - they suddenly stop in the middle of the road - sometimes to chat with a neighbour coming the opposite way or sometimes for no apparent reason.
My (young) retired DH recently had a crash in which he was the "pullee". However, that said, I also take issue with those drivers (generally the very young and inexperienced, which was the case with DH's accident) who assume that just because they have the right of way they can toss precaution to the wind. I was recently nearly creamed by a young hothead who was clearly driving WAY over the speed limit coming over a blind hill. All was clear when I turned but he came flying at me like a bat out of hell.
Intersections are the most dangerous place on a road and I always slow down when approaching regardless of whether it is my right of way or not - defensive driving. There are too many crazies, incompetents and speed demons on the roads these days to take any chances.
Sorry to hear your hubby got creamed by a bad young driver. I agree, speed demons are awful, too. They are not, surprisingly, limited to just the young or even the males. Middle-aged and older speeders, of both sexes, are common here. There's a place where three lanes merge to two that is damn scary!
I've also had some unnerving brushes with people with road rage issues lately, too, and have tried to really make sure I'm driving in a defensive and inoffensive manner. The guy that followed me into a convenience store parking lot - that I pulled into to make sure he kept driving by - really spooked me, especially when he drove to the side of the building thinking he'd be out of sight. Luckily I saw this in the rear view mirror and booked on outta there while he couldn't see my vehicle.
I think people don't know what to say when it comes to continuing problems. We know to say "I'm so sorry for your loss" when someone dies, and "How's your mother doing?" when someone is sick. But we just don't know what to say three months after someone died or when someone isn't going to get any better. And so we avoid saying anything at all.
I understand that. It's almost a feeling of helplessness because there's really nothing one can do for someone in that situation. Although sometimes there is and it just takes a sincere offer or creative suggestion... That really only works for local folks though.
Thanks.
Mj has her finger on it. But we do still care. <3
Well, I was going to say that it's that time of year ... at least for me. I haven't been doing a lot of commenting anywhere, because my schedule just seems so full right now. In fact, it's so crazy that I'm actually missing appointments, which is incredibly embarrassing and frustrating for me ;).
I do hope that things will settle down for you (and me :) very soon, and really, even though it's tough to do (I totally agree!) paring down is so freeing!
WEll, dang and &*)(*&^&(! I had a whole post here and it's GONE!
GRRRRRRRRRRR
that's the way I feel about "boom cars", too GRRRRR!
Basically I wanted to say what Mollyjad did about friends' on going problems.
and I enjoyed yourfood post, I like reading about the way you talk about food and cooking.
hope this goes through, shamba
I think after awhile people don't know what to say, and like you said, they're afraid it could happen to them too, so they back away. I had this happen to me too during a stretch of problems. People I had thought were my best friends seemed to vaporize - but some others turned out to be very supportive. As my life got back on track, those old friends returned - but of course it wasn't ever the same again, at least not from my point of view!! Perhaps only the friends that have been through tough times themselves are able to hang in there with support... Anyway, as far as commentary, like Wendy said, this is a busy time of year for lots of folks.
FWIW, I think your planned lifestyle change is a practical solution to a current problem. You two meet challenges head-on and that's good!
Elli :-)
I agree that most people find it hard to know what to say and so often choose to say nothing, I don't think that it is a self preservation mechanism. I have been in places of deep grief
before and actually didn't want other people to ask/comment and perhaps others have been in the same position.
If you keep writing, I will keep reading, even if you do feel like you are whining :). I don't post here often, but I am sorry I haven't been around to comment on the hellish time you have been having. I think that this is just a busy time for people - harvest time/back to school/college/work projects time, prepping for winter time. I've barely been reading let alone commenting on blogs, sadly.
Chile, I think in many ways we readers, well we just feel so helpless - I am thousands of miles away in the UK, I wish I was closer then you could have a good old rant, scream, kick the door, do what ever you needed to do, then I'd make a cup of tea (or coffee) and then you could rant somemore if it made you feel even slightly better.
Shitty things going on are just so damn shitty !
Sending you a hug, its all I can do right now.
Babs
Hi Chili,
Like all above, my first thought was that most folks don't know what to say once they've offered their original sympathies. I really, really, really wish the situation would improve for you. But, accepting your word that it won't, I wish you the best in whatever change you choose!
And I agree about the loud music from cars. Especially when one pulls up next to me at a red light :#
You know Sweet Chile, we all have periods of trials and tribulations. With a blog, I'm thinking we sorta-kinda need a bit of positive/reflective touch to go with challenging moments because it's otherwise pretty overwhelming to read regularly. Not to take anything away from the reality of your life right now, you understand, and perhaps part of the blogging experience of returning readers in general?
We like our Chile diluted every now and again, and always with a twist of sharp perception and sublimely relevant wisdom for our times, as you naturally present yourself.
If I were to share how testing my life appears right this minute, you'd all reach for a blankie to put over your head and pretend you're invisible!! ;)
You are fortunate to have your Sweaty Sweetie nearby, and be able to still experience a good deal of self-sufficiency, along with self-determination in your decisions.
Once you accept that it's happening to you because it happens to all of us, you'll be leaving the worse moments behind you.
And I agree with Shamba that your food posts continue to interest and finger-licking-good fascinate, my hungry goodness!!
It's hard to lose one's freshly established stability, and so please hang in there for when you can fully turn the page, and envision the next steps of your fine future.
A hug for you, and salutations to all.
Just,
Me
Nah, not for me anyway, I've just been way too busy with an ethics class and work, and trying to keep up with the basics at home to comment.
I think about you often though, really. I really feel for you, and wish there was something I could do other than just offer moral support.
The speed people drive at is directly related to the amount of over-stress they feel in their lives, I think. Especially since the economy slowed down, employers are expecting people to do even more with even less, because after all there are hundreds of people just like you waiting to take your job...even if they are overseas in some cases.
I heard just the other day that a hospital in the Midwest laid off their entire group of radiologists; they are outsourcing the reading of CT's, xrays, ultrasounds etc to India because it's 25% cheaper. Good luck suing if you get the wrong diagnosis based on one of those readings.
I'm still reading, I just haven't had the 'umph' to comment. You're still interesting :) and what you do still matters.
Risa - thanks.
Wendy - if I didn't make a zillion lists every day, I'd forget appointments, too! Between the work here, craigslist stuff and physical therapy appointments, it seems like I'm always running to meet someone or some deadline.
Here's hoping life settles down into a calm (and not before a storm) soon for both of us.
Shamba - I've been having more trouble with comments lately too. Wonder what's up with blogger.
I'm not posting much about food because I'd be embarassed to tell you what we're eating around here.
Elli - yeah, I know. I'm a broken record and what people really want is for me to be fixed. 'Soon as I figure out how to do that, I will. :)
I hear ya on the friends thing. Very surprising, I must say.
Thanks for the feedback on our lifestyle change.
Aurora - I think I'm afraid that if I get too isolated, whether by my choice or because others are shying away, that I may sink into a deep dark pit and not be able to climb out. Since I am prone to recurring depression, this is a valid concern...at least from my perspective. So, it may be making me overly sensitive to the issue.
It's been a busy time here and drives me batty that it's not a "productive" busy. I want to be planting, harvesting, putting up food, and all that, not dealing with the destructive nature of what we're doing!
Babs - kick a door over there for me, 'kay?
I much prefer coffee to tea, even though I keep trying to cultivate a more tea-ish nature. I think it's like trying to turn a dog lover into a cat person. Ain't gonna happen. ;-)
4 Bushel Farmgal - I really wish it would improve, too, but we have no control really over the property situation. And MIL's overall health situation is not going to turn around, no matter how much wishful thinking may be going on there.
Just Me - acceptance is proving difficult. At times it is there. Then it fades away and anger/depression/frustration returns. Life isn't fair, I get that. I just want it to quit slamming into a wall for a while so I can do some healing.
Thanks for your perspective and comment. If I get around to making any good food, I'll be sure to post about it.
TFHS - I also sense that overall frustration and bad driving is a reflection of people's stress levels in the current economy, although how does that explain pulling out at 30 mph on a 55 mph road? ;-)
Thanks for reading.
Chile Dear, let's chew the vegan cud in the near future in some conveniently interesting little park environment, if you would like, so that we may take a nice walk if the mood moves us? My body physical could use that walking motion to relax a bit, and breathe, baby, breathe more deeply and slowly.
In these unprecedented times, the pressures we also experience because of what we've absorbed and come to understand are pretty tremendous. Sometimes, I think healing becomes as daily a dose as we can muster, even by the teaspoon. Blogging is a part of your striving toward that balance, and is important.
You'll again (and so will I) reach the point where food choices improve because you'll crave simpler eating options along the nourishing and satisfying lines of a bowl of veggie soup and a toasted piece of whole grain bread.
As the world turns and the cooler weather eventually bubbles to the steamy surface, would you like to plan an uncomplicated picnic sometime?
I'd loooooove a cool sip of your famous prickly pear lemonade, and I'll bring crunchy apple slices to skinny dip in peanut butter!
Let's do it, shall we? Let's do it soon, and usher in some sort of formal autumn time, yeah!!
Standing by,
Just Moi ;)
Just Moi - sounds delightful. I'd prefer to set up details privately rather than have all the world know when and where the infamously anonymous Chile can be spotted. Here would be a good place to start.
Well, of course, Chile. We'll keep your cover intact and a personal e-invitation is on its way.
Let fall befall us!!
Simply,
Moi :)
Chile - I tend to not post a response when someone has already said what I was thinking. Lately, but the time I read your posts, that has already happened.
Your posts are real and they are the slice of your life right now. I have no problems with listening to you vent and I enjoy it when you are more upbeat.
Right now, life is a monsoon for you. We've all been there. It sucks, but all you can do is keep walking through it.
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