No, I'm not talking about having a fish dinner. I'm talking about floundering a bit in my life right now. It would be nice, in a way, to say that I am at a crossroads with a big decision to make. However, I am not. It's more like being in the middle of a broad expansive landscape with a hundred paths to choose from, and way too much uncertainty to know what path to take. So I just flounder forwards, sideways, or sometimes backwards, hoping that eventually an obvious path will present itself to me.
While we both really like the idea of living in a fifth-wheel (RV) trailer, moving from place to place, following temporary work, that life is looking less and less practical. Peak oil issues could easily make transportation costs exorbitant and possible supply shortages could stop us in our tracks, and not necessarily at a place we'd choose to be stuck. There are advantages to being mobile, but some disadvantages to not being rooted as well. This option seems to be slipping off the edge of the table.
My sweetie has made commitments at work which will keep us here for at least another year. Beyond that, I don't have a clue. Stay here and try to make this property work, despite onerous zoning restrictions? Relocate? If so, where? Making a living how? For now, I guess those decisions will be tabled and the focus will be on the current home.
We can't do what we'd like to do here, but we can put in a small garden. The weather lately has been mild, getting us in the mood to prepare some raised beds, but we know better than to be fooled into planting just yet. February often sees the coldest temperatures of the winter and we are still falling below freezing on a regular basis, although it's been over a week since we've dipped down to 18 degrees F. I've got a dozen 5-gallon buckets stacked outside, too, waiting to be filled with my finished compost and planted for a small container garden.
We need to do some minor fix-up to sell this place eventually; doing some of it in the coming months will make it a more pleasant place to live now. Without the covered deck on the front of the house, rain pours off the edge of the roof onto our heads at the front door. Putting up a rain gutter will go a long ways towards making the summer monsoons tolerable. Getting a better handle on the weeds this spring may reduce the work later in the summer. I've already started tackling some of the pruning needs while the trees are somewhat dormant for the winter.
Although I don't know what our future plans are, I am continuing to downsize our possessions. My goal is to have a yard sale this spring and find room somehow to move the remaining possessions in storage to the house to eliminate that monthly expense - and the frustration of having to run down to the storage unit to retrieve "this or that" on a regular basis.
I met two more of the neighbors this week, and will continue to try to establish good relationships with the folks that live in this area. Aged horse manure from one neighbor is coming over here this week for the garden plots. I've been happy with the produce I've picked up from the local farmers' market but am really looking forward to cutting that expense with home-grown veggies. I also hope to be getting a fig or jujube tree soon to utilize the graywater from the washing machine.
I continue to struggle with bringing my eating back to the healthy diet I enjoyed prior to the move out here nine months ago. My activity level dropped significantly in the past couple of months, but it is increasing again, albeit gradually. My personal goals for this year are to regain some health and fitness, have a year with a whole lot less stress, and make time for fun. And maybe I will have a bit of trout - not flounder - if my sweetie ever catches anything at one of the local urban lakes.
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13 comments:
In my life when I have felt like you feel now, deciding to do nothing seems to be the best idea.
There's a tarot card, the 2 of swords in my deck, that has a woman sitting down, blindfolded with a sword in each hand. The swords are crossed in front of her. The impression is of "where and what do I do now" maybe "should I do anything now".
You'll figure it out. I don't know if that's reassuring or not but it's meant to be!
peace, Shamba
I have had long periods of time where I feel like I am just hibernating. I realize later that I needed to go through that period of rest, reflection and learning to move forward later.
Don't know if that helps any!
Maybe the committment through your husband's job will bide you time while you regroup. That gives a chance for opportunity to show itself. (And the opportunity may even be where you already are...)
You just never know!
When in doubt, eat a cookie! Of course, if you were a cat, you'd lick a paw... but, people need to just sit back and not do anything and let the subconscious do its work... especially, after the harrowing ups and downs you've been through in the past couple of years... it won't last long, and plans will become workable... HUGS
Fan mail from some flounder:
IMHO, There is risk no matter what course you take- including staying on the same course.
All I know about 5th wheels and full time RVing- is: y'all better really love one another, because most full time RV'ers I know want to kill one another in a month or so.
You will make a decision as to want you guys want to do and it will be amazing. No matter what. I and all your readers will be green with envy!
always look on the bright side of life..do do do do do....
Think of it this way - a small well kep veggie garden will act as curb appeal maybe to a new buyer if you put the house on the market. And its therapeutic for you to work in the dirt.
Shamba - that's where we're at. The only problem is that I like to know what direction I'm going. Floating around without a rudder is rather disconcerting, but I'll try to just sit back and enjoy it.
Hausfrau - ooooh, I'd like to hibernate! Got a nice deep dark cave somewhere I can borrow?
I think we do need the downtime, as much as we'd like to be pushing forward with our plans, any plans.
Farmgal - when the opportunity presents itself, I'd like it to do so with a really bright blinking neon sign that I can't miss. Thank you.
Sharlene - um, I've eaten a few too many cookies...
Rob - we survived 2 1/2 years living in a 25 foot RV (with two dogs) in the past, so we were pretty sure we could deal with that aspect of RV living. And we actually know several people who are full-time RVers. You know, I haven't heard from one of them in some time - hope her hubby didn't get tired of their close proximity!
Anon - me, look on the bright side? You forget I recommended Ehrenreich's book, "Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America." ;-P
I'm not sure how well-kept the garden beds will actually be. We've decided to try a method of gardening someone recommended in comments here. Basically, you pile up a bunch of brush, top it with soil, and plant.
It's allowing us to clear some of the old dried-up tree trimmings (which would be great if we had a wood stove) as well as new prunings. I'm going to get a big load of horse manure, new and aged, from a neighbor to fill in the bottom and then we'll top it with my compost mixed with the old manure. Not sure yet what the finished bed will look like but I'll post a picture eventually.
I'm in a group called Home Grown Food and we promote no-dig gardening as a way to get weeds under control.
I did this in a super weedy garden bed at home in the Fall of 2009. I noticed my worst weed (Campanula rapunculoides)growing through the cardboard last spring so I opted not to plant the red currents there and instead planted tomatoes in the bed so I could sheet compost the bed again in the fall.
Well, let me tell you we have never had better tomatoes and we had to water much less because of the 4-6 inches of decomposing leaves and compost. Here's a link to our website: http://www.homegrownfoodcolorado.org/projects/no-dig/
We're not as dry as you but you might give it a try, I'd get started as soon as you can!
What path? You mean there is actually a path you are supposed to follow???
I decided long ago that going with the flow was much better than trying to forge a trail and wearing yourself out. Of course I do give things the odd nudge:)
Good luck with the garden. Ours is not so good at present - funny weather mostly but I do have lettuce, silver beet and a few other things.
viv in nz
Agreement with Sharlene T: when in the quandary, one feels as if one should be doing something constructive to move in a forward direction, but everything seems flummoxed. In my experience, though, the "path" just seems to suggest itself. I congratulation you, Chile, for taking action to reducing. The path will become apparent.
it is scary the way oil is going; heard the CEO of Exxon went on record saying gas will likely be $5/gal. before the end of the year. on another note, I want a neon sign too...let me know if you find one.
Lately I've been reading many blogs and stories about local people who have fought for new zoning and building regs (mostly in reference to natural building techniques, greywater treatment, etc). It occurred to me while writing that perhaps one way to put some light at the end of your tunnel might be to get involved in your local city council. If you could get a voting seat with the folks who make the regs and zoning rules, you have a great chance of helping to change them. You can work to educate the people, be an advocate for self-sufficiency etc. I know it's a lot to take on, but might also be balanced by deciding to stay and stick it out. You may become a pioneer and make sure others don't have to face what you did.
DC - we're doing a kind of no dig bed, but we did have to dig into the neighbor's composted horse manure pile.
Viv - yes, there is a path. There has to be a path. How can there not be a path?
Ack! You mean there is no path?! I'm doomed...
Waitress from Mensa - I'm enjoying doing nothing. Of course, I'm not really doing nothing, but having the pressure of making a decision gone for now is nice. We've got plenty to do, though, and I might get around to posting about it one day.
Dmarie - yeah, the gas cost would be a really challenge!
I'll keep you posted on the neon sign thing.
ruralaspirations - nononononononononono! I have absolutely no desire to be a political figure. I've worked in politics off and on for many years and have had enough, thankyouverymuch.
Up until a couple of years ago, I would have told you the only thing I was still willing to do was work in elections because political discussions about anything or anybody on the ballot are not allowed, so it was a relatively apolitical environment. A bad experience with that on the last go-round cured me of working elections, at least while living here as the same people are still involved.
Prior to that, I had worked (as intern or grunt staff) for a county supervisor, state legislator, a US Senator in his state office, and 2 US Representatives in Washington. DC cured my idealism and I came home from Congress a political cynic.
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