I'm a nice landowner. I didn't rent a bulldozer and blade our lot. I don't buy gallons of poison to rid myself of the annoying weeds and pests. I don't pull out the native vegetation.
So why, oh why, do you other residents on my land treat me so bad? Let's try a little cooperation for Earth Day, shall we?
Quail, quit spreading the straw mulching the fruit trees all over hell and gone. It needs to be thick right around the tree well, not thin for another two feet out because you want to scratch in it. I left you the native weeds whose seeds you like even though they are drying out and look ugly. And by the way, next time I catch one of you snuggling under the chickenwire trying to eat my sweetie's seedlings, I will have you for dinner instead of letting you go.
Ants, I know you turn up the soil but do you have to strip the leaves off my blueberry bushes? Twice?! Back off my garden plants and go back to the native species out there. Or else...
Pocket gophers, thank you for turning the soil, too, but leave my trees alone. They aren't cheap, you know, and it was quite a bit of work to line their holes with hardware cloth to keep your nibbly little teeth away from their tasty tender roots. The Russian thistle are sprouting; try eating their roots instead.
Ground squirrels, don't even think your cuteness will gain you forgiveness for wiping out my wildflower transplants. My friend went to a lot of work to save me the plants she was thinning from her garden and I carefully planted them where they'd look very pretty for all of us. Out of over a dozen plants - poppies, marigolds, mullein, and sunflowers, you've wiped out all but three. You are on my shit list.
Gopher snakes, where are you? I need you here eating up the rotten graound squirrels and pocket gophers! Rattlesnakes need not apply.
Black widows, I really don't appreciate you nesting in my compost. There's a whole big acre here; I'm sure you can find someplace else to catch tasty insects without threatening to bite me in the process.
Are we all onboard? At least for today? All righty then. Happy Earth Day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
This is just great!
What! No Moles? They could use a good talking to at my place! Treacherous walking, that's for sure. But, I'm sure your personal menagerie has listened and heeded your request and that all will be well on the morrow. Happy Earth Day and Happy Easter!
If some how we both could charge rent and actually collect ...
For me it's Blue Jays (they scare me worse then crows) cats, & squirrels.
I remember spiders when we lived in the Mojave Desert that & rattlers.
Thanks.
I think we have moles or voles, too, but they aren't as evident as the pocket gophers and ground squirrels. My neighbor said he had less problems when he had horses; crushing the holes, I guess, kept the critters out of the corral.
Well, the ground squirrels are entertaining...but I wouldn't consider that proper payment for stealing all our tomatillos last yar.
Post a Comment