Personal Space

I don't think of myself as having extraordinary personal space demands. However, I have noticed that, more and more, people are crowding into my personal space. These "crowders" fall into several categories. For clarity, I will give examples based on grocery store line experiences, but I'm sure you'll recognize the same behavior from drivers on the road.


The Distracteds

These are the folks that are busy talking or texting on their phone, fussing with their child in the cart, or something like that. In a car, it includes the women who think it is not unsafe to apply make-up while driving on a 55 mph road (while their speed varies from 45 mph to 60!) Because The Distracteds are not paying attention, they are likely to ram their grocery cart into your butt while you stand in line waiting your turn to pay.

Best Defense: If someone behind you is distracted, try to give them extra space or catch their attention with a cheerful "Good Day" to minimize the likelihood of being bumped.

Response: If they actually bump you, they usually apologize profusely and rarely do it again.



The Clueless

There are some folks who just don't seem to have a clue. In a crowded store, they seem incapable of figuring out that turning their cart parallel to the aisle is a more effective solution to staying out of others' way than simply pushing their cart into your butt or alongside you.

Best Defense: I have not found much that works well other than staking my place in line more assertively; stepping back or to the side a bit, and then moving forward in the line as much as possible without crowding the person in front to show that I am not trying to block them maliciously.

Response: If you say anything to them, they are often defensive and rarely correct their behavior. Even if they've bumped into you, apologies are uncommon.


The Intimidators

As a female, I've noticed that some men tend to crowd me in line. It is more typical with the younger crowd; I've not had this happen much with older men. Combined with black t-shirts with "tough" designs or logos, substantial ink (tattooes), and/or aggressive posturing, these guys seem intent on making the person in front of them uncomfortable.

Best Defense: I'm never sure how to handle this because I don't know for sure whether the behavior is intentional or unconcious. In either case, I don't want to antagonize the person, nor am I thrilled to let them know that yes, their behavior is bothering me (because that often seems to be the intent). I typically turn sideways so that they are in my line of sight, at least peripherally, and I may widen my stance as well.

Response: Nothing I do seems to elicit any response or change in behavior. In fact, these men often act totally oblivious of what they are doing. Again, it is my belief this may well be intentional.


The VIPs

These very self-important people make it clear to everyone that they deserve to be at the front of the line now regardless of whether it is their turn. Tactics include frequent heavy sighs, shoving your items on the counter forward so they can get theirs unloaded (uncaring whether they bruise your tomatoes and avocados in the process), and pushing their cart right up on your heels. Once you are at the register and their cart is out of the way, they are likely to be breathing down your neck during your transaction.

Best Defense: You can go with totally ignoring them yet claiming your space with a wider stance and leaving more space between you and the person in front of you.

Or you can confront them. It is rare that a stern look back at them has any affect. They are far too important to care about whether their behavior is rude. After repeated offenses, it may become necessary to say something. How you choose to do this is up to you.

A friend of mine is very direct and will turn and ask them, "Rude much?!" I rarely say anything but was tempted today to offer up a sarcastic, "Excuse me for delaying you; I'll be out of your way when my purchase is complete."

Response: None. You are too far beneath them to warrant a response.


How about you?  Have you been a victim of the Crowders? What is your favorite way to deal with them?