NorCal Katie is one of my inspirations. This chick has been through some serious shit and survived. Most of the time she'll tell you she's better than before the shit storm that hit her life but like all of us, there are times when she needs help. This week she posted about being willing to ask for help.
After reading her post, my first thought was, "Um, hello? I need some help right now." What's going on? Well, here's the deal:
Last year I got totally on track and was super-committed to getting healthy. I was fed up with my weight gain from the previous several stressful years and a bit freaked out by getting the results of a cholesterol test and elevated blood pressure readings. In just four months, I lost 45 pounds, got my blood pressure down to normal (100/60) and dropped my cholesterol by 59 points. Then the holidays hit and totally derailed my momentum. This didn't surprise me as I often struggle between Thanksgiving and the New Year.
However, here it is, months later, and I am still derailed and getting further and further from my health goals. It seems the harder I try to get back on track, the more my inner two-year-old rebels and insists on proving that I cannot do this. Obviously I need some help. I will actually be seeing some people that I could ask for help in a couple of weeks when I attend the Healthy You Network Symposium. A number of the speakers are really focused on getting people on track and helping them stay there.
The problem is that I'm embarrassed to ask for help. Yet again. You see, I'm one of those people that others tend to think is "mostly likely to succeed." In reality I often fail to meet their - and my own - expectations. So asking for help gets embarrassing, especially when it's not the first time I've needed help. It doesn't help that I've had several times when people I respected reacted with considerable disappointment when they found out I had not succeeded in the ways they were positive that I would. Way to make me feel like more of a failure, guys!
Anyway, right now the downward spiral I'm in feels like the swirling water draining out of a bathtub, going faster and faster as it is about to run out. Somebody throw me a plug, quick! And then help me fill the tub back up with fresh, healthy water.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You are much too hard on yourself. I understand where you are too well. It is difficult and scary... But you have to take each day as new and enjoy every small victory. You need to allow your self the same amount of time to get back to where you want to be as it took you to get to where you are now. You are so strong and have weathered much - you can pull yourself out to a place where you are happier and healthier - you can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteChile -- One thing that has helped me with some successes (though I have lots of failures too) is knowing what psychological tricks work on myself. What rewards can you lure yourself with? What threatened punishments are effective deterrents for you?
ReplyDeleteLots of people don't like the idea of threatened punishments because "it's negative" but I have seen it be hugely motivating for people. Something like: promise someone that you will give $100 to the political party you most DISLIKE every time you X, or fail to Y -- amazing how that gets us moving!
And as for the positive rewards, be careful not to undermine yourself. A food treat is nice as a reward for achieving your diet or exercise goals, and occasionally we all need that, but a non-food treat such as a massage or a soak in a hot bath (or whatever works for you -- the promise of a relaxing bath is one of my best motivators) is even better because it doesn't undo any of your efforts. See what I mean?
I also get inspired by reading books or watching movies that feature someone doing something inspiring, overcoming odds, etc.
Good luck to you and to us all!
Sue in the Western Great Basin
I think you should stop trying so hard to be perfect ;).
ReplyDeleteAsking for help isn't a shortcoming - as you know - it's a recognition that we're all part of a community, and being part of a community means being willing to let go sometimes. It's hard - believe me, I know.
I don't know if I can throw you the "plug" you need, but I hope you know I'm here to support you in whatever way is possible when I'm 3000 miles away.
I can relate with you. I just started my third attempt on same the diet plan. It's a plan that I love but can easily fall off of. Simple things led me off the path. Well, the first time, I quit the plan. I had decided to quit smoking and felt that I need to eat. I'm learning now to appreciate
ReplyDeletewhen other notice that I have fallen. that helps to get me back on track.
Learning to accept yourself, unconditionally, is one of the most difficult things to do. However - when you sit down and write out 2 lists.. your positive qualities and your negative qualities... somehow, it seems to help when you can look at things on paper. But at the same time... you get to start working on scratching negative qualities and adding good qualities. As time goes along - what others think or say about you becomes so immaterial. What's inside you becomes the loss of those that slam the door in front of their own face!
ReplyDeletefirst of all, here's that plug you need.
ReplyDeleteSecond, here's the new hose I bought. Hook it up to the outside faucet if you need to to fill up that tub again!
Now you'll float right back up to where you want to be. :)
I don't know if that helps or not ... but try again. Giving up is oaky if you persevere ... Easy for me to say!
take care, shamba
Well, here's my plug. Chile, you have always been too hard on yourself. And, sometimes, expect too much. I agree with everyone else, just take it a day at a time. An old Yoga diet I follow, when I really want to lose extra weight, allows you to eat anything you want but you end up eating less than half because you chew everything before swallowing.
ReplyDeleteIt's based on the idea that your saliva is the only thing in your body that really breaks down food before it enters the stomach. It really works but is not easy. Just remember, we're all here for you
How can I help? Do you need a workout buddy? Since I quit my job I don't exercise as much either and I have to sometimes force myself to get moving. Want to buddy up and cook frugal, health foods together and then compare notes?
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to ask for help. I'm almost always there...so I can so relate.
Asking for help has been the hardest thing I've had to do. I've been sick as a dog these last few days and had to ask for help a couple times and somewhere deep inside my inner child screams "WEAK!" but I know I'm not weak. Asking for help is a sign of strength, as well as a chance of the people we love and care about to show us they love us. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you, folks. I owe all of you responses but have in the last three days either been out of town, extremely busy, or sick. I promise to be back here as soon as I can.
ReplyDeleteWell done for asking for help
ReplyDeleteI do tend to be hard on myself, yet I also can be too quick to find excuses and rationalizations not to proceed on the path I need to take, in this case to successfully lose weight. Trying to find the balance between those two is my constant challenge and I do not know the solution.
ReplyDeleteNeither rewards nor punishments have been effective in the long term. Once committed, I'm often extremely successful but my enthusiasm tends to peter out after 3-5 months. I need to figure out how to maintain it for the long run.
I generally don't let myself be concerned too much with what others think of me. After all, they are not living my life so how can they know all that I do, feel, think, succeed and fail at? They can't, therefore they judge based on what they see. Again, I don't care for the most part. However, to ask for help again from those who've told me what they believe is the solution already and they can see I clearly have not taken their advice is where I run into problems.
At heart, I think the issue is that I'm not asking the right questions or for the right kind of help. For instance, I know exactly what I should and should not be eating. I know the theories, inside and out, of how to get from where I'm at to where I should be in terms of transitioning or going cold turkey, etc. What I don't know, apparently, is how to deal with - successfully - the in-the-moment decisions to eat something I shouldn't. I've tried all the "tricks", I've tried the delays, I've tried not having the food available, I've educated myself to know the food is essentially poison to my body but, in-the-moment, it does not matter to me.
Yep, it's okay for you to say it: "addiction." I am well aware that I have some food addictions and that some of those addictions are like a gateway drug, or should I say gateway food, to other poor choices. Just say no has not proven to work well for me, especially when it comes to my biggest downfall: soy white chocolate mocha (at least I get decaf). I can stay away for a day, a week, a month, three months, six months, but eventually I will return. It has happened time and time again.
The exercise is a whole different ball of wax. The problem there is my tendency to injure or overtrain myself, which always sets me back to the beginning again. I'm always trying to get in shape but never seem to actually get there.
Okay, enough of my whine fest for today. I've got bike tires to pump up for a ride tomorrow and healthy food to cook.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteNot sure if this is going to help you find that plug but personally I found it interesting and thought it may also be useful for you
http://www.ideafit.com/fitness-library/science-willpower-0
Basically it backs up my feeling that to get new habits established I need to not be feeling stressed in too many areas of my life.. something I have proved over and over again.
Kind Regards
Belinda